She is not with me today and that’s a fact I would have to say.
She is not with me today and that’s how I would have to stay.

No hour too long, no hour too short. Every tree, every flower,
Stood testament of her thought. As if to say they had come to
Existence just for her.

She is not with me today and that’s a fact I would have to say.
She is not with me today and that’s how I would have to stay.

Her fingers were warm just like her eyes, her face so soft, her
Eyes divine. When she opened her heart the whole world would
Fit, no regret no remorse, she lived her life stronger than a horse.

She is not with me today and that’s a fact I would have to say.
She is not with me today and that’s how I would have to stay.

This is not the way my story was supposed to have flowed. I was supposed to be happy, let alone normal. But this is how it’s planned out and this is how it shall perform. Happy are some who find solace under my wing, crazy are those who laugh at every word I say, in love are those who feel warm and content in my embrace.

Its not the time, the era or the chapter of history that I feel comfortable in, it’s the dead air and the filthy politics that make me wear the straight jacket, restraining me from grabbing the breath of air I wish to use to heal my ever choking heart. Dead are the feelings, numb are the senses and clouded is my mind to peoples ploys, plots and games. It’s a difficult scene and a treacherous play.

I don’t know what do I want to say and it’s hard to express too. Feels like a drug, engulfing me with its tentacles, the more am running away the more am being pulled in. Seeping deeper and deeper and deeper.
save me from this ever changing life, for I refuse to continue any further. Take me far away so that no
relations can ever break, no glass ever shatter, no would ever bleed, no heart could ever pain.

I deny the fact that I have a destiny, I disown the almighty, I regret the feeling of being alive deep within me. I believe my existence is nothing more then a dust of air floating wildly in and out of the desert of shattered bodies and bleeding anomalies.

This is it cant get bad anymore dishonored I feel so lonely and alone…

Fallen in the corner of my 20’ x 30’ world are shards from the past. A past whose part I never wanted to be of, a past so dark that I could see the light being sucked away like a defenseless rodent being sucked into the fangs of a serpent. I continue my stroll for the era that I have woken up to, unknown to the presence of a certain someone walking cautiously, covering the shadows of my aimless journey. I realize only then that the hair on the back of my neck are brushing with the breath of this unknown shade. With a brisk move I turn around……..Nothing!!!.

Room after room I searched for souls, souls of those whose voices echoed endlessly in to my haunted ears. Voices so distant yet so close, their cries, their screams, their endless hopes, screeching like the wind on a stormy day. I can’t take this anymore; insane I shall be, left all alone in this endless parody. Tiered and disheartened I choose a corner, with my head heavy in my hands and my eyes glistened with tears, I try to bring sense to this insane world. What do I do?, Where have I landed?, I do not know, is it for real or just a phase waiting to go.

Disturbed are my thoughts and disturbed my existence.....

This is with respect to those who find peace and solace in selected few people and hence don’t plan for contingencies. People who look for quality more than the quantity of the crowd they move along, people who commit themselves to the ones they love, the ones they ever want to be with, the ones who deep in their heart crave for the company of those they wanna be wid.

So I wonder today, why do I feel so lonely, why when am lonely I feel happy, I feel more secured, I feel more sadist towards myself. Its true, whenever am alone, I breath, I feel no pressure forcing me to do things, no body expecting anything out of me, no body even looking at me. I feel as if I am in a heightened state of existence, where nobody, not even god can match up to me, I am alone, thinking and thinking and thinking, endlessly.

It was never by force or by someone not being that I have chosen this path, it’s the perils of my devious mind that I have chosen to detach my self from this cursed world. I don’t belong here and so doesn’t my existence. I am the Satan’s incarnate and hell is all I desire, lonely as I could be, deep in a dark corner where even light is afraid to venture. Plucking my wounds and seeing my blood spurt out like a river spurting to the sea.

I’ve said before and I say now, its no-one that I blame for this vague state of my curse. Its also no-one that I credit for getting me this plague I cherish so much today. The restaurants where my crowd used to be in the limelight, the bars where we’d go tulli and spill more than we would ever drink, all gone.

Today its me and the cursed body I am bestoved nesting my shattered soul in love with the pain we share between us.

Mind collectively refers to the aspects of intellect and consciousness manifested as combinations of thought, perception, memory, emotion, will and imagination; mind is the stream of consciousness. It includes all of the brain’s conscious processes. This denotation sometimes includes, in certain contexts, the working of the human unconscious or the conscious thoughts of animals. “Mind” is often used to refer especially to the thought processes of reason.

Even after holding such a complex definition to it, why is it that even with neck deep in my work, a small click of a twig or the noise of silence makes my head turn and wonder for minutes at stretch. Was it someone, was it something, or is it my mind playing tricks with me. No doubt distractions come in your way, may you be solving something as simple as the two times tables or fixing an integral part of a space-craft. My question to my-self is what triggers it and why is it that something as important as concentration doesn’t set in when demanded.

Lets discuss what makes this Grey juke box of ours so fickle in nature.

No Matter What!
Be it the passing away of a loved one or introduction of someone new. The direct aftermath is the same viz. the depletion in the quality of work we do. Even after knowing the importance of our seriousness towards the deeds of our day, our mind shall never bend to the reality of our realm. Within an hour or so in to our work, visions start flashing in front of our eyes, visions, flashes of the happenings that have either left a bitter scar in our mind or the thankful feeling of existence.

Reading nothing related to the happening, suddenly a tear rolls down your eyes, people around you wonder, they panic to look at what your reading and are shocked to see the screen empty. Imagine the embarrassment of a person amidst a meeting suddenly giggles at the way he scared his damsel in the park, while his boss is 3 feet away pulling his hair off at the dropping sales figures. So we can say no matter what happens in the backstage of life, the show will never change, the show will still be known as distraction.

I Don’t Know Why Am Doing It!
Don’t know about the actual statistics of the amount of people who work as if their lives depend on it, while others work more than them yet have no idea of what they are doing or where will it lead them. Some work for money, some for fame, some even work to loose their sane. It’s the ones who don’t know their work are the ones who wander off easily. We all have to remember that we as humans can only build machines, but can never think or work like one for long. Knowing what you do and also appreciating it reduces the chances of your mind getting distracted towards green pastures

Never Try, Never Fail!
‘No matter what I do I never get success!’ , ‘I tried my best, but am just unlucky!’ . People with little or no self respect for their deeds or the ones who don’t know how much their act no matter if proportionate to a pinch of salt in curry or sugar in milk matter to others, never truly understand the true meaning and the efficiency of the depth of their mind. All the so called Fallen Angels & The Lost Causes, the so called Departed’s & the Wannabe Emmos shall burn in loss, with no light of wisdom or the warmth of care, the mind just wanders in despair.

The Yogas we try or the breathing meditations, the anti depressions and the anxiety pills we pop, we ourselves have no idea what all we do throughout the day for this fragile mind of ours.

Even after holding such a complex definition to it, why is it that even with neck deep in my work, a small click of a twig or the noise of silence makes my head turn and wonder for minutes at stretch. Was it someone, was it something, or is it my mind playing tricks with me. No doubt distractions come in your way, may you be solving something as simple as the two times tables or fixing an integral part of a space-craft. My question to my-self is what triggers it and why is it that something as important as concentration doesn’t set in when demanded.

Lets discuss what makes this grey juke box of ours so fickle in nature.

No Matter What !!!
Be it the passing away of a loved one or introduction of someone new. The direct aftermath is the same viz. the depletion in the quality of work we do. Even after knowing the importance of our seriousness towards the deeds of our day, our mind shall never bend to the reality of our realm. Within an hour or so in to our work, visions start flashing in front of our eyes, visions, flashes of the happenings that have either left a bitter scar in our mind or the thankful feeling of existence. Reading nothing related to the happening, suddenly a tear rolls down your eyes, people around you wonder, they panic to look at what your reading and are shocked to see the screen empty. Imagine the embarasement of a person amidst a meeting suddenly giggles at the way he scared his damsel in the park, while his boss is 3 feet away pulling his hair off at the dropping sales figures. So we can say no matter what happens in the backstage of life, the show will never change, the show will still be known as distraction

I Don’t Know Why Am Doing It!!!
Don’t know about the actual statistics of the amount of people who work as if their lives depend on it, while others work more than them yet have no idea of what they are doing or where will it lead them. Some work for money, some for fame, some even work to loose their sane. It’s the ones who don’t know their work are the ones who wander off easily. We all have to remember that we as humans can only build machines, but can never think or work like one for long. Knowing what you do and also appreciating it reduces the chances of your mind getting distracted towards green pastures

Never Try, Never Fail!!!
‘No matter what I do I never get success!!!’ , ‘I tried my best, but am just unlucky!!!’ . People with little or no self respect for their deeds or the ones who don’t know how much their act no matter if proportionate to a pinch of salt in curry or sugar in milk matter to others, never truly understand the true meaning and the efficiency of the depth of their mind. All the so called Fallen Angels & The Lost Causes, the so called Departed’s & the Wannabe Emmos shall burn in loss, with no light of wisdom or the warmth of care, the mind just wanders in despair.

The Yogas we try or the breathing meditations, the anti depressions and the anxiety pills we pop, we ourselves have no idea what all we do throughout the day for this fragile mind of ours.

Love….a decisive term…a term that means so much to few but has no percentage for others. So what do we do when someone we cherish and love for years suddenly decides to just get up and walk away or decides to stab us in the back. Am not just talking about a college sweetheart or a girl who sits besides you at work, love for me has always been a concept where in all I wanted to do was be there for anyone and everyone I cherished, be it my chuddy buddy or a relative at home.

So I ask again what do we do ?

The initial trauma, the pain, the agony, the feeling in us which wishes everything just burnt up in flames and got over in a matter of seconds. The tears we shed, the ones that go un-noticed, the plastic smile we wear and the pain just waiting in our eyes ready to pour out and show the world what’s hidden so deep. The growth we feel has no end. Why did it happen to me? Where did I go wrong ?? Why didn’t I never see it coming?. Some of the few endless questions that eat you up with the break of dawn till the first rays of the full moon fade the blackness of the night.

Alcohol – Doped – Stoned !

While majority would sit at home and sulk at the grim memories of their cursed past, a selected few would love to seek comfort in the 3 stages of matter Liquid(Alcohol) Gaseous (Dope) Solid (The human body no longer capable for anything in this world). Drinking their pain till the bowls of pain can no longer withstand, giving flame to their agony till nothing unworthy stands in their mind and finally attaining a stage where one lye’s flat on his/her back, looking at the ceiling and wondering where did they reach and did it really help. Frankly speaking it never helped, the first thing u do when your heart breaks is go for the bed and cry your heart out, then you find alternate means to recover. My question to you, Did you really recover?

Your back on that same bed wondering Now What?.

Random Sex!

Although not a prominent trait of our female heart brokens, some men usually rush to seek the adrenaline of their frustrations going down and I mean way down their human psychology. “She broke my heart!!! I will sleep with 15 women and show her who was the best.” “He thinks only he can sleep around ??? Let me show how much I score !!!”. Visits to the unknown where the woman are better seen as the flesh hanging at a butchers store.

An hour of pleasure and your sorrows seem bleak.. You move out and head towards your home, the next day you meet someone new, you tear him/her apart and dump her the same way you were dumped, boosting your moral, finally feeling as the Dominator instead of the usual Dominated. I ask you again, Are you cured ?. Have the stains of the past really been wiped of your shackled heart?.

www.dreamkut.com

Yeah!!! who doesn’t wanna go to the big lake and sit around its banks with a rod in one hand a dream in their eyes, “A fish oh god just one fish to help me get over this miserable aftermath”. The long hours warming your computer seat, endless chat blabbers and those illusive “We Must Meet Someday” dreams.

What’s your ASL, the 3 letters that lay the foundation of your glee future. By the end of the night I bet our victims gather enough ASLs’ to create their own statistic database for the population of their own and of their neighboring countries. When the day is over and the net switched off, the glass world you lived in for those few hours come down crumbling.

Now that I have been positive enough to close all possible doors to survival, what next do I have to offer to the so called broken hearted and the deceived. All I can say is take your time, pen your feelings if you have to, evaluate the pros and cons of the now dead relation, work on it and start a fresh. Although tough at first, things suddenly start to sort out. As a famous saying goes ‘God Never Made A Lock Without A Key’ the same way he never made a bad moment without the intent that us as his final gift to the world should know the true meaning of happiness when it rests on our shoulders.

Wake up my youth the world can be a challenging mass to be in, don’t loose hope and never give up.